The lady beside me told me that she was gassy, and she didn’t care about telling me because she wouldn’t see me again. u/Pawpaw-22

On a charter flight from Goa to the UK "He's taking Ecstasy, and he has a knife in his bag," said an old couple to the stewardess, referring to me. I said, "I don't have a knife, I'm taking vallium. I just want to go to sleep" Stewardess believed me & moved the couple. u/BigMushroomCloud

A 5 year old boy once said "Dad, can you ask them to pull over so I can go to the toilet?". Haha u/RonnyLuvsU

There was this kid was behind me that kept telling her dad she lost her tooth and the dad was disgruntledly trying to find it, and some guy nearby said “hey kid, I hear if you lose your tooth on a plane, the tooth fairy gives you 50 bucks” to which the dad replied, “hey look sweetie, the tooth fairy decided to sit next to us on the plane!” u/monkeysolo69420

I am a pilot for a major airline. Decades ago I was running for a deadhead flight home and managed to snag the last seat. A mother and young daughter were seated next to me. Halfway through the flight the mother, seeing my disheveled look after flying all day, asked if I wanted her daughters PB&J sandwich that she wasn’t going to eat. I politely declined, but she insisted. That was the best Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich I’d ever had! u/Delicious_Ad8201

Everyone is boarded and the plane is in the middle of the taxi when a kid about 10 seats up and on the left side (I was on right side) starts crying and screaming at the top of his lungs "I NEED TO P** P" and "I'M GOING TO P**P" over and over again until the seatbelt signs came off. I've never seen so many worried faces and the look of panic as the mother picked up the kid and bolted to the toilet. u/cmcorms

I was flying solo into Orlando. The woman next to me was so excited about her new boyfriends boat and was going on and on about how excited she was for this trip. I nodded and put my headphones in and about 1 minute later, she grabbed the cord on my headphone and pulled it out of my ear so she could blather on about it... u/_joeBone_

I was flying alone and this little girl (maybe 5) wandered down the aisle and said hello. I asked where her parents were and she said they died and a police officer was flying with her to take her to her aunt. My brain was not able to conjure any response at all apart from " errr.... sorry" she asked if she could look out my window so I moved over to the aisle seat and let her, me continuously looking for a cop that she might be travelling with. She then told me how her parents were driving back from a party last week and their car got pushed off the road by a truck into a tree. She was quietly crying while telling me this story. Suddenly I hear "oh there you are" from the aisle. There's a woman standing there. The girl says "hello mommy" and leaves with her. u/Soopercow

Not that “crazy” as such but when literally about to touch down, a lady got up and started walking urgently towards the bathroom. The cabin crew immediately started saying “Madam! We’re about to land! You have to sit down!” The lady responded by screaming in a panic “I’M GONNA S**T ME-SELF!!!” They allowed her to continue. u/ChangingMonkfish

Pilot accidentally left the intercom switch on. The whole plane heard him say “Ooo. That’s weird”. Nothing else. Plane took off amid varying levels of anxiety throughout the cabin. I’m here to tell the tale today, so thankfully it wasn’t too weird! u/Traffodil

Not so much what he said, but I sat next to this fully grown man that was playing plants vs zombies the whole 3 hour flight with incredible enthusiasm. Everytime a plant got eaten or he killed a difficult zombie he'd jump in his seat, pump his fist and aggressively whisper yeerrsss, YEERRSSS, gert em yessss.... u/DeousPascitCorvos

Some guy told his partner that she didn't need more yarn and every woman in earshot promptly told him how wrong he was. u/KittikatB

Two mormon missionaries trying to convert the sweet, naive man sitting between them the entire flight. u/floweringsouls

I overheard a passenger passionately arguing with their seatmate about the correct way to eat a slice of pizza with chopsticks. u/zaramarley07

I was sat next to a teenage boy and his dad. The kid was telling his dad how much he loved the song “sexual healing” by Marvin Gaye, when the kid was finally done talking the dad just looked at him and said “you’re a virgin” u/itsrae2you

Nothing too crazy. A couple in their 50's who were all over each other (like tongues in ears, hands in pants etc). They were busy working out the logistics of their next getaway. They were both cheating on their partners and laughing at how gullible their SO's were believing another "business trip" would come up so soon. u/Running_zombie_

A guy coming home early to bust a cheating wife. He was on the phone with a friend/family who told him the other guy was at his house abd they didn't expect him back until the next week. u/mauore11

Nervous passenger: Excuse me. How often do planes crash? Flight Attendant: Only once! u/Ellie_Llewellyn

Delayed for some issue. I hear banging on what I assume is a luggage door underneath. After several minutes I hear “oh well, we’ll fix it in Pittsburgh” u/Dugsage

I was sitting next to a father with his small child. The child wouldn't stop hopping around, until the father said "sit still and be a good boy or the plane will crash because of you and we will end up dying." Never seen a kid so quiet before. u/Alternative-Yak-8657